We sit in stilted silence. I feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny of his gaze. He extends his hand, his fingertips brush my mine before I can pull away. His eyes linger on my manicure. French tips replace black varnish. I've changed. A year ago I would have craved the attention. Batted my lashes and played to his affections. A year ago I didn't know any better.
'I didn't mean it to be so long.'
'Of course not.' I'm not in the mood to engage him. I take refuge in staring out across the water.
'It's my fault. I've wanted to call you..' His voice has lost the arrogance I'd remembered it for. 'I want to know you again.'
'I'm leaving on Monday.'
'I've missed out on so much.'
I shrug; tired of the exchange already but staying on for the sake of pride. I won't be the one to run away this time.
'You always were a stubborn little thing.' He tries to smile his discomfort away.
I observe him through loathing eyes. He's changed. No longer resembling the image I'd kept distilled in my heart for nights when he was far away and I even further. He's gaunt, sallow skinned and unshaven. I resist the urge to brush unruly brown locks from his eyes. Old habits. I curse myself silently.
'So this program I'm doing, part of recovery is reconnecting with people..' his voice trails off as I shake my head.
I'm not doing this again. Not going down this road. I get up, forgetting my earlier vow. I've lasted long enough. He rises with me, reaching out he captures my elbow.
'Darlin' I'm trying..' desperation laces his plea. Arms wrap around my slight frame, I shake my head in futile resistance. Despite my anger I long to remain in his arms. I breathe in the once familiar scent of cloves, letting myself linger for a moment before struggling free.
'I'm clean I swear.'
'So am I.'
7 comments:
My favorite part of any of that
"I'm clean I swear"
"So am I"
<3
Brought tears to my eyes. I've been there - more times than I care to think about - it's a heart-wrenching experience. In my case it was a gaunt, skinny woman who I was very much in love with.
"God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed, Courage
to change the things which should be changed,
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other...." Etc, etc.
*sighs*
Oh, I just love your stories. I don't know if it's sour experience or just plain skill, but they always sound real. In a sad, but really good way.
Oh Min. :'( Just know that all of your fans here will always love you :)
Wow Minh that's amazing :) we feel the pain
wow Minh that's amazing :) please write more often
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